“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” ~ Matthew 7:1, KJV
We’ve all heard this verse. People often use it when they don’t want to be held accountable for their poor behavior.
But perhaps the verse should be taken exactly the way it was written. It’s common sense. If you don’t want to be judged yourself, then don’t judge others!
Consequences of Judging People
What is the most immediate and most obvious consequence of judging people?
There is someone in my life who loves to judge people and find fault. Guess what is the first thing that usually pops into my head when she criticizes me?
I start thinking about all of her faults.
I might not have been thinking about her faults before. I might have been quite willing to overlook them, or perhaps I didn’t think they were a very big deal.
Until she made an issue of my faults.
Suddenly, that’s all I could think about. The many ways that she falls short are suddenly at the forefront of my mind.
“Physician, Heal Thyself!”
When you judge and criticize people, the first thing they will think about is whether or not you fall short of your own standards. Then they will think about whether or not you fall short of other standards.
The trouble here is that we often fall short of our own standards, but we don’t notice that problem in ourselves half as much as we notice it in others.
My daughter recently went to visit someone who likes to find fault (we’ll call that person Mary). When my daughter came home, she commented that she doesn’t know why Mary bothers to ask questions because she doesn’t listen to the answers. Partway through the answer, Mary will interrupt and start talking about something else.
I answered that I completely understand because Mary had been doing that to me for years.
Two weeks later, Mary started complaining about people who interrupt others and talk over them! You know what I was thinking, right? Very ironic that she should notice this fault in others but is apparently oblivious to this fault in herself!
Suddenly, that’s all I could think about. I wasn’t really that focused on Mary’s interruption habits until she complained about other people who do it.
Putting Your Faults in the Spotlight
When we judge others, we are going to attract attention to our own faults, one way or another. If you bring attention to the faults of others, then count on it : You are going to attract attention to your own faults.
Nobody is perfect. But most of us are willing to give grace and overlook the small stuff if other people are willing to do the same for us. As soon as they show they are not willing, our perspective will automatically change whether we want to be thinking that way or not.
Unwanted Advice
Sometimes, we want to help. We really do. We’ve noticed a problem in another person’s life and think we can fix it. This is often the case with Mary. She wants to help. She wants to fix the problems.
The trouble comes when the advice is not sought. When nobody has asked for our opinion, our well-intentioned advice is rarely considered helpful.
Our advice is almost never wanted if we haven’t bothered to listen to the other person first and make sure we’ve got our facts straight. People don’t care what we know till they know that we care. If you haven’t taken the time to show sympathy and support, your sudden input about another person’s life and behavior is not likely to be welcome.
If you would not appreciate advice offered by someone else under similar circumstances, they will likely not appreciate it from you. But if there are certain things someone could do to make you more receptive to their advice (such as listening first, asking appropriate questions, showing support, etc.), then there’s a good chance those things will also work if you approach someone else that way.