WOW.
This is a hard one for me.
I Want To Be Understood
There is someone in my life whose approval I want. Whose understanding I want. Whose support and affirmation I want.
I won’t be getting it. Ever. I know this… and yet I still try. And try. I’ve been trying for over two decades!
I hope I’m wrong when I say I won’t be getting it ever. I still want it!
But I have a choice to make. Should I spend the rest of my life trying fruitlessly to get her to understand? Defending myself? Explaining myself? Justifying myself? Trying to make her see that everything is not my fault and I’m doing the best I can?
Let It Go
I have to let it go.
Her opinion of me is her business. I can’t control it. I can’t change it. And it’s my fault if I’m allowing it to be a chain around my neck.
It would be extremely freeing not to care anymore. To stop trying to make someone see who doesn’t want to see. To stop jumping through pointless hoops, hoping that THIS TIME, if I jump through it successfully, she will agree that I did a good job and give me the elusive thumbs-up.
She won’t. She doesn’t want to.
Here’s the thing… She has her own reasons for not wanting to understand. If she can convince herself that I’m the bad guy, she won’t have to deal with other painful realities. It’s easier to find fault with me… no matter what.
I need to let it go. It is so hard.
If I can’t let go, I cause myself to suffer more. My stress level increases. My anxiety increases. My negative emotions increase.
Today I googled this idea of letting people be wrong about you, to see what other people had to say about it, and I found this wonderful post.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who deals with misunderstanding and unfair criticism.
But other people have learned to let it go, so I can too.
Take deep breaths…. and be free!