I Wasn’t Feeling Snippy Until You Suggested It!

“Why are you being so snippy?!”

Huh? Me, snippy? I wasn’t feeling snippy at all. I merely made a suggestion that I thought would help!

But you know what… now that you said that… I’m annoyed. I didn’t appreciate that. I’m feeling a little grumpy. In fact… I’m feeling snippy.

See? You knew I was snippy!

Or did you? Did you know I was feeling snippy already, or did you make me feel snippy?

Which came first: The behavior or the label?

Hmmm.

Maybe your spouse repeatedly behaves in some irresponsible way, and you constantly complain that he or she is irresponsible. Are you complaining because your spouse is irresponsible? Or is your spouse behaving irresponsibly because you keep labeling him or her that way?

Perhaps both are true.

We usually get what we expect to get.

We live up or down to our own expectations for ourselves. We also often live up or down to other people’s expectations. If they expect they worst of us, they usually manage to bring out the worst in us. If they expect the best of us, they often manage to bring out the best in us. They get what they expect to get.

Ever heard of Laura Doyle? She’s on a mission to restore marriage relationships – and she does it by teaching only the wives how to change. She doesn’t give advice to men or to couples. She works only with women.

How does she do it? She teaches women to change their expectations and change the way they treat their husbands. Don’t treat him like he’s a child. Don’t correct him, criticize him, or fix what he does. Treat him as though you believe the best about him, and he will respond by living up to your expectations.

It works a great deal of the time.

It isn’t foolproof, and Laura knows that. We can’t control other people, but we do have a great deal of influence over them. Our words and the way we treat people have an enormous impact.

Is that Fair?

Some people don’t like this approach. It doesn’t seem fair to expect one person to fix a two-person problem. After all, if the wife can fix the problem by herself, then doesn’t that mean it was all her fault in the first place? Aren’t we blaming the woman if she had the power to fix it all along, but it wasn’t fixed?

That’s rather like blaming the firefighter for the fire. Certainly it is possible for firefighters to start fires. But do you assume, when you see firefighters successfully battling a blazing inferno, that they started the fire?

We don’t blame firefighters when they put out a fire. We thank them.

Why allow the fire to keep on burning when you have the power to put it out?

Be a Hero. Make a Difference.

Your words and attitudes have a lot of power. You can bring out the best in others. You can bring out the worst in others. The words you say, your facial expressions, and your attitudes can build up or tear down. They can’t control. But they can – and do – heavily influence. Most of the time, you will get what you expected to get.

Expect the best. Believe the best. Bring out the best.