Got a dream but can’t make it happen? Can’t even get started? Perfectionism could be the problem. Perfectionism causes anxiety that can be downright paralyzing.
I’ve had many symptoms of perfectionism since I can remember. This doesn’t mean that I do everything perfectly. This means that if I’m afraid I won’t be able to do something perfectly, I’d rather not do it at all. Better to leave something undone than to do it imperfectly.
I’d rather not try than try but fail.
Why does it matter if other people know that I might not be able to do everything perfectly? Certainly, the people around me are not able to do everything perfectly. Why is it better (in my mind) for them to think that I didn’t try than to think that I tried but failed?
A big part of my identity when I was a child was being a straight-A student. Take that away, and you take away my identity. It was expected that I would perform well because I always did.
I learned, in the process, to protect my identity by not trying things that were too risky and might result in lower grades.
That could be part of the problem now.
It’s been interesting listening to famous motivational speakers such as Zig Ziglar and Les Brown. Both had to try – and try – and try – and try!!! – before they became successful. Famous people rarely succeed the first time. Success is usually about getting back up and trying again many, many times. It’s not about doing something perfectly the first time.
I heard a wonderful quote recently:
“Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”
— G. K. Chesterton
Why? Because you have to start somewhere. If you’re going to do anything, you have to be willing to start, even when you have no idea what you are doing and will most likely do it very badly.
I can feel my anxiety levels dropping, just thinking about that.
It’s OK to do something badly and improve as you go along.
It’s OK for other people to think you don’t know what you’re doing when you really don’t.
At least you are trying. At least you are starting. At least you are putting one foot in front of the other.
That’s how babies learn to walk. They never just hop right up and take off. They struggle. They wobble. They fall. And we don’t all laugh at them for doing it! We encourage them. We smile. We hold our hands out to help and encourage them. We take pictures of each little success along the way.
I feel debilitating anxiety at the thought that somebody might think I’m trying to do something but doing it badly. Doing it wrong. Not doing it perfectly.
But for most people who now do things very well, there was a time when they did things badly. If they hadn’t been willing to do things badly, they would not be doing those things so well right now.
What can we learn from this?
Cut yourself some slack.
Cut other people some slack.
Other people are dreaming too. Imagine how you’ll feel when you find out someday that you were an enormous part of someone’s success because you encouraged them when others did not. You encouraged them when they were ready to give up. But because of what you said, they kept going. They kept trying. And their success happened because your words kept them from quitting.
You can do that.